I’ll admit it. My newly turned 10-year old has turned into one of those sullen, “I’m only going to smile when no one expects me to…” kids that I swore I’d never have. At first I tried all of the tactics I knew wouldn’t work, but seemed like a good idea…
“You know, you might think you look cool now, but when you’re older and you look at pictures you’ll realize how cranky you look.” I actually said that! Yeah, that didn’t work.
“Why are you so mean to your sister? She’s not mean to you. You will NOT be mean to her in this house, do you understand?” Another extremely ineffective technique.
I guess I have to cut myself some slack. It is the middle of the summer and even I have forgotten some of my best techniques. I’ve always said that my parenting skills are best when I’m in the middle of teaching a class. Well, I don’t teach in the summer, and it shows.
Once it finally dawned on me what I was doing wrong, I tried a different tactic. Instead of threatening or lecturing, I simply presented the offending child with a list of extra jobs around the house and said,
“Here are some jobs that will replenish my energy that was drained by your bad attitude. When those jobs are done, I’d be glad to help you finish packing for camp.”
And you know what? It worked. I’m guessing he didn’t want to find out what would happen if he had a bad attitude while completing the extra chores, because he actually got through them with a smile on his face. The first I’d seen in awhile. Yes, it did take him so long that I thought he might have to go to camp with only the clothes on his back, but he did come through, as he always does when I remember to use my best parenting skills. Imagine that. And the bonus? My kid-free camp week started with a very clean house!
Well, so much for brilliant ideas! Remember the Annual Meeting I touted so proudly a few weeks back? Well, apparently it wasn’t anticipated with the same enthusiasm by my children.
As each kid got off the bus on the last day of school, I asked them if they were relived to be on vacation. Were they excited?
“I think the next few days will be great!” my youngest replied. “Well, at least until Sunday night.”
“Sunday night?” My voiced trailed off and I noticed him looking pointedly at my kitchen chalkboard where I had jauntily written, “Second Annual Shroyer Family Meeting - Sunday, 5 p.m.”
“What do you mean? I thought you loved our Annual Meetings!”
“I do love picking out our favorite foods to eat, but I hate deciding on all of the chores we have to do!” Tears welled up in his huge brown eyes. “Sometimes I feel like the only reason you had us kids is to be your slaves!”
I valiantly ignored the tears as a ploy, one that had worked many times before, and let my mind wander to my husband. Had he ratted me out to the kids on my true intentions for giving birth? Nah…
What ensued after tears were wiped away was a conversation, and a family meeting, where everyone felt part of the process. I learned the kids were very willing to do the chores I asked of them, they just wanted to do them in their time. We compromised, determining as a group what had to be done daily, weekly or twice weekly. They even proposed doing a few cleaning chores every day rather than having an entire cleaning day once a week. Fine with me!
In the end, our meeting lasted for two hours and we all had a ball. Even the kids. Maybe especially the kids. There’s nothing in life as important to a kid as feeling like they’ve been heard and their opinions valued. Maybe that’s why they asked to do it again at the end of the summer…
