A 4th grade teacher I know has an interesting way of dealing with late homework. If an assignment isn’t turned in on time, the teacher fills out a pink slip of paper and sends it home with the student. The parent then signs the pink slip and returns it to the teacher the next day. The end. The teacher has made the parents aware of the situation, the parents acknowledge that they are aware and the kid gets to be the not-so-proud messenger. Of course, if pink slips become commonplace or if too many assignments are missed, the consequence is likely extended to include reduced grades.
I love this idea because it is so real world. Think about your own life. What would happen at your job if you didn’t get your work done? Most often, your boss won’t beg, plead, threaten or make charts for you to track your completed assignments. That would take up too much of his/her time. Instead, at work, if you don’t get your work done, you get… a pink slip! No arguing, you are done. In this class, too many pink slips results in a lower grade.
Sounds like a real world consequence to me!
In my last post, I was discussing the first sentence of an article I’d come across in a parenting magazine. The second sentence of the article continues,
“Then you have to deal with what to serve. In the best-case scenario (i.e., in your freaking dreams), you’re making one meal for everyone to share. But then, even if you’ve been blessed with kid who likes everything you do, that kid is going to require this on the side, that off the plate, everything with ketchup. And if you have the other kind (the typical kind), he’s eating spaghetti while you’re eating salmon…”
Excuse me? At this point, I closed the magazine with disgust and re-examined the cover. All The Best For Your Family. I wondered how we got to this point as a society. How did we get to the point where kids running our homes and our dinner times are so normal, so much to be expected, that a magazine could devote an entire article to helping us with solutions to our meal time difficulties? Is it truly possible that people don’t realize that many of the problems they are having with kids is because they have created the problems themselves? How does a child start to realize that at dinner they don’t have to eat what the rest of the family is eating? When does a mom start becoming a short order cook? Is it when the child is a baby and spits out their mashed peas and so mom gives them pears? Or is it when small bites of everything the adults are eating is substituted with mac and cheese?
Maybe the question shouldn’t be when but why. Why, as a parent, would anyone subject their children to a lifetime of craving bland, tasteless, unhealthy food? Is it because we are afraid that our kids will starve if they don’t eat what we think is enough food at each meal?
I have to tell you, I’ve never heard of a normal, healthy child starving to death when offered three meals a day. Of course there will be meals that kids don’t want to eat. There are probably meals you don’t like to eat either. But if all our kids are exposed to is chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese, how will they develop tastes for other foods?
We recently returned from a trip to Walt Disney World, where it is common for people to purchase a dining plan for their kids. This plan allows kids to eat two large meals and one snack each day for a set price. The problem is, the only choices offered on the children’s menu consist of macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, and peanut butter.
Has it so become the norm that our kids won’t try new things that there is no reason to even attempt to expand their horizons? We have become a nation so absorbed with ourselves and getting exactly what we want when we want it, that we’ve forgotten that often we have to compromise, to learn to try new things, to grow beyond what is comfortable and familiar. We are teaching our children that instead of sacrificing a bit of their desire, they should expect that the world will cater to them, and to their tastes.
I am not saying that you need to force feed your kids. In fact, I certainly don’t recommend doing so. Instead, I would encourage you to offer your kids whatever you are eating. Cut it up very small or offer them only the very soft foods if they are young, but offer them what you eat, not whatever strikes their fancy. In this case it is important for you to remember that when it comes to food, you can not control whether or not they will eat. You can only control what you will do when it comes to what you will offer them. If you are consistently offering them what everyone else is eating, eventually they will try it. Will they be hungry occasionally? Probably, but it isn’t a life threatening hunger, just one that will remind them that next time maybe they want to try a few more bites of whatever was offered. And if they go to bed hungry, you might want to make sure that you offer them something you know they like for breakfast.
Because, when it comes right down to it, this isn’t just about food. It is about teaching our kids that there are things in life that sometimes won’t be exactly what we want, or what we are used to, but that those things aren’t wrong. It is about teaching kids about compromise and respect and discipline and manners. Something to think about the next time you reach for that bag of chicken nuggets.